Developmental Edit Example

[Project Title]

[Date]

[Author],

Thank you so much for trusting me with your work. It’s been a wild ride with [Protagonist] and [Important Character], though I should send my therapy bill with this letter. I understand that this is a vulnerable moment, and I do not take giving feedback lightly. Meaning, I do not make suggestions based on opinion but on what I believe will make this story shine. My feedback is always in service of you and your story.

I have left comments in the margins of the manuscript, as well as suggestions. Please be advised that my suggestions are just that––suggestions. You understand and know your characters way better than I ever could, and therefore, you know what is best for your manuscript. I have focused heavily on developmental feedback, including pacing, story development, character arcs, and some setting details.

Structure and Pace

There are numerous plotting structures available online. However, I generally stick with an eight-point plotting system to ensure you have as much control as possible. 

Here’s what I have noticed and my suggestions:

ACT 1

1. Hook/Normal ~1-10%

This is your chance as the author to show the reader the MC’s normal. What does [Protagonist’s] life look like before his/her life is plunged into hell? This gives the reader a reason to care. I believe this is the most important part of a novel. If the hook/normal doesn’t make the reader desperate to know more or deeply care about the MC, it’s very hard for the reader to stick through the middle of the book.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

2. Inciting Incident ~10%

The inciting incident is the moment that shoves your main character out of their normal life and into the actual story. This is where something happens that they cannot ignore, undo, or walk away from without consequence. It does not always have to be an explosion, death, kidnapping, or dramatic reveal, but it does need to disrupt the character’s life enough that the reader understands this is the moment everything changes.

This plot point is important because without it, the story has no real forward momentum and simply doesn't exist. The hook shows us who the character is before the chaos begins, but the inciting incident is what gives the plot its reason to exist. It introduces the central conflict, raises the first major story question, and gives the protagonist something to react to, resist, or pursue.

In simple terms, this is the spark. It tells the reader, “Here is the problem. Here is why it matters. Here is why the character can’t go back to the way things were.” If the inciting incident happens too late, the opening can feel slow or directionless. If it happens too early without enough setup, the reader may not care yet. The goal is to give the reader enough of the character’s normal life to understand what is being disrupted, and then introduce the event that sets the story in motion.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

3. Pinch Point 1 / Call to Adventure ~25%

Some beat sheets will have something called “the debate,” but I like to think it’s easier to include it here. This beat is structured as a series of scenes that unfold after the inciting incident, allowing the character to process and debate their call to adventure. Some characters enter ACT 2 kicking and screaming, literally, while others are excited to get the hell out of dodge. Also introduced in ACT 1 is the “B story.” There’s so much advice on where this should land that most editors agree that the B story should be introduced somewhere in ACT 1. The B story should also connect to your plot in some way. More on this at the midpoint.

To put ACT 1 in simple terms, we are looking for the character to accumulate all these problems from the choices they have made, which will lead to ACT 2, where the MC will spend this time fixing those problems they created. ACT 1 is vital. It’s the foundation for the middle of your novel. If this isn’t setup well, the middle will drag.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

ACT 2

4. Midpoint / Fun and Games ~25-50%

This is the most diabolical plot point, and don’t let the name fool you. You’re having fun writing these chapters, but your characters are struggle bussin’ it. Here is where the try-and-fail cycles begin. The character is slowly becoming proactive and not reactive to the events around them. This looks like the character making decisions that advance the plot and keep the readers’ attention.

At the midpoint, the story is working toward one of two things: a false win or defeat. If the midpoint is a false win, the story spirals downward until the climax. Meaning, if they win, shit goes to [bad place] in a hand basket. But if there’s a defeat, it’s up, up, up, until the Dark Night of the Soul.

This is also where the B story will intersect with the main plot. Usually, but not always, the B story is “the twist.”

By the end of this plot point, a savvy reader will be able to piece together what’s going to happen in the second half of the book. That means everything that is a plot twist and not a rug pull should be clearly explained or foreshadowed by the midpoint. 

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

5. Pinch Point 2 / Bad Guys Close In ~60-70%

This is your ticking clock and where time is running out, and the plot point that answers “What is [Protagonist] willing to do to achieve what she/he wants?” His/her boundary needs to be clearly defined. Right now, he/she is trying everything, but it’s going from bad to worse. Here, the stakes are amped up... high! Your character, and ultimately the reader, needs to feel the pressure. 

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

6. Plot Turn ~75%

Shit went bad, and now it’s even worse. This is the plot point that leads to your character’s darkest moment, so this needs to be personal and, most importantly, the readers need to understand why and care.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

ACT 3

7. Darkest Moment / Dark Night of the Soul 80%

This should be [Protagonist’s] darkest moment, the lowest he/she has ever been. [Protagonist] has everything he/she needs to carry him/her through this ACT, but he/she wants to give up. He/she needs something to push him/her to continue. 

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

8. Resolution ~80-99%

This is the climax of the story, where all the foreshadowing, plotting, and character development pay off. 

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

a. Climax

The climax is the moment where the story’s main conflict reaches its highest point. This is where all the tension, foreshadowing, character growth, and plot threads come together, forcing the protagonist to make their most important choice. The climax should not feel random or easy. It should challenge the character externally and internally, pushing them to prove how they have changed since the beginning of the story.

This plot point is important because it delivers the emotional and narrative payoff the reader has been waiting for. The protagonist should face the central conflict head-on, and the outcome should resolve the biggest story question. Whether they win, lose, sacrifice something, or realize the truth too late, the climax should feel earned, satisfying, and impossible without the journey that came before it.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

b. Denouement

This is your “new normal” and is also an essential part of the story.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

Noticeable Patterns

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

Antagonist and Villain

It’s hard to nail a good antagonist, and it’s even harder to nail a villain. But what every good antagonist/villain has in common is relatability. They can be the vilest person in the protagonist’s eyes, but when the readers connect with the antagonist/villain, it causes conflict.

I like to use Niklaus Milaelson from The Originals as a great example of a relatable antagonist/villain. Klaus struggles with major daddy issues because daddy took out his frustrations on Klaus because mommy had an affair. As a result, Klaus’s father bound his wolf side, literally suppressing a piece of him he was born with. But couple that with his trauma and belief that he’s cursed to be alone (despite his siblings), and he wants to create a family of hybrids. What is he willing to do to get those hybrids? He’s willing to kill and betray anyone in his path.

So, although Klaus is a villain in Elana, Jeremy, Stephan, and Damen’s lives, the readers/watchers sympathize with him. They see how he is justifying the murder and sacrifice to get what he wants. They understand his motivations, even though they don’t agree.

Note how I stated at the beginning of this letter that the reader needs to care about the protagonist. Well, the same is said for the antagonist/villains.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

Actionable Revision Steps

Another credit to [editor/creator] is her six-stages of self-editing process. This isn’t a be-all, end-all. But it is a tool and a way to organize revisions that I believe helps prevent burnout. So here they are:

1. The Structural Edit

That’s what most of this letter details. We’ve told ourselves the story; now we need to shape it into a story. Here, don’t worry about the story making sense. It’s meant to be a Frankenstein of a draft. I suggest creating a new document and copying and pasting everything in order according to the beats. This is where you take all the beats from above and rearrange them so they match the approximate percentages where they should be.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

2. World Building/Scene Edit

This is where you go in and add all the fun details of your world. Here, I recommend that you make a thorough pass to ensure the reader understands the [institutional/worldbuilding] dynamic, [Important Character] and his/her role, the [larger institution], and the hierarchy of the [larger institution]. 

This is where most people stop once they finish making their world lush. The story is written, the character arc is complete, and the world is rich. But almost every time, not always, there are multiple scenes that are only serving one purpose, which dampens the pacing and flow of the story, making it feel choppy. We see this a lot when we have a plot-heavy chapter, but then in the next chapter, we see lush worldbuilding. This is where we decided to combine chapters and make them immersive.

If you decide to do this stage of editing, I highly recommend focusing on the following:

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

3. Line Edit

This should ALWAYS be last. I rarely say something must go a certain way, but there is absolutely no point in this stage of editing happening before the rest. Here, you are going to fine-tune the sentences, the structure of your sentences, and make sure the right word is being used in the right context, all the nitty-gritty details that could be lost if you must cut chapters/scenes or change them drastically because of edit 1.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

Manuscript Strengths

I always finish my feedback with what’s strong inside the manuscript, and you’ve got a lot of good happening here.

[Insert editorial comments with examples from the manuscript.]

With all this being said, and overwhelming, I’m sure, please remember that every piece of this feedback is normal in early drafts. The only purpose of earlier drafts is to tell yourself the story. That’s it. It doesn’t need to be pretty. It doesn’t need to have a neat little bow.

Anywho, wow, if you’ve made it this far into my word vomit… how? As I stated before, this is not a solicitation of services, but should you like my feedback and have found it helpful, I am always grateful for referrals and the opportunity to work with new authors.

It was an absolute pleasure living as [Protagonist]. Where will he go from here?